So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Randomize
