I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
