That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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