Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle