you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
she told me i tasted like america
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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