when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed