Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.