yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
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this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
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I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.