Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Dating After Heartbreak
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings