But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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