You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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