quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
