He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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