I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Randomize
