haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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