two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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