You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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