FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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