It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
