I feel like abortions should bother me more
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
