Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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