Plan B is the new Plan A
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
