I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She swung at the pinata with crutches
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
