You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
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