do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Randomize
