I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
