He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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