ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
