he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
