found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
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