can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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