I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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