I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
