oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
