That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
