Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
