wanna go halves on a baby?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
