I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
