just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
