you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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