one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
no you cant smoke seaweed
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
