brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
