Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Randomize