i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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