dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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