If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
