i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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