Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
