I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
