No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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