I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
