ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
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