dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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