If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
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