Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
