I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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