You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
