Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
