so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
