Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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