I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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