dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
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