I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
