i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
