im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Randomize
