dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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