If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Randomize
