we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
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She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
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Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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