It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
