We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
