Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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