Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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