thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
