you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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