Quick, to the slutcave!
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Well I just put wine in my tea
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
