I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
