I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
