Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
