Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
