You're my little dorito
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
