I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
