i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
