Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It's like God shit irony all over that family
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
