I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
