Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
worst night to have a conscience
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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