don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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