Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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